The First Time I Felt My Heart Squeezed

When I knew that my cousin and I were refused from granting a UK student visa, I felt half-depressed and half-okay. Depressed in the sense that I was still hoping against hope that miracle will happen. On the other hand, it was okay because, logically speaking, we didn't completely pass all the necessary requirements, so, I had the intuition that there might be a problem along the way. Nonetheless, life must go on. As stated in the refusal letter, we have the right to appeal and passing the necessary document would make the entry clearance officer reconsider his original decision.

First things first, it was stated in the refusal letter, and I quote, "that the burden of proof is on you, the applicant." My cousin and I were laughing on this statement because it was like saying, "it's your fault, after all, that we refused your visa application.", but in a good way.

Actually, it's not really a hundred percent our fault. One of the requirements for student visa is our sponsor's bank certificate and 6 months previous bank statement. We begged our sponsor to provide us with the necessary document but, unfortunately, she refused to give us the bank statement. She said that maybe it's just a scam. We also asked her to go to the URL of the visa section, but because she was extremely busy with her profession, she wasn't able to do so.

Anyway, I felt completely okay few hours after and I even had a good night sleep. The next morning, my cousin and I went to the Consultancy Service where we had asked for help regarding visa application. And, alas, our newfound friend, Eric, was also there. (We met Eric during our application in the UK Embassy. He was alone and he looked familiar to me, so we befriend him. The next thing I knew, we live in the same city and he said that I was also familiar to him. We will also go to the same school in UK! What a coincidence. We felt an instant connection with him because he was cool, friendly, outspoken, and my cousin and I had a feeling that he was somewhat a homosexual. We even planned to go to UK together and share a flat.)

Luckily, the ECO granted Eric a student visa. While talking to him, along with the Consultant, Eric told us that he'll be going on the 21st of February. Bang! There I was, sitting while listening about his plans, that I felt for the very first time...the tightening of my heart. I felt like someone was squeezing my heart so hard. I deeply inhaled and exhaled for a few seconds. Thank goodness I didn't make it obvious for them to recognize.

When my cousin and I were on our way home, the tightness was still there, but much milder at that time. That night, to relieve the pressure in my heart, I let it out. Before I retire on that day, I cried my heart out and I even blamed God for what had happened. It was very unfair on my part, I know, but that was what I felt that time. Afterwards, I didn't notice that I was falling asleep.

The next morning, I felt rather relieved...then my mom noticed my puffy eyes.