Saturday, May 16, 2009

A Failure

There are many stupid mistakes that I made and I'm still on the verge on trying to bounce back from those mistakes, but, I realized it is difficult trying to correct things. My status right now: a failure. I think I have failed my parents, my family, and especially, myself. If only I didn't immediately resign from my job in a tertiary hospital, I'd still be able to help my parents financially. What a stupid mistake I made! I thought I would have the visa I am yearning for. If only I used my logic! I have been patient all along these months, and still, nothing happens. Out of more than 15 jobs I applied for, nothing happened. I'm hating my life, I'm hating myself, I even blurted things to my Mom the word a sensible person shouldn't use. Stupid, insensitive me! If only I could turn back the time.

Last night was a very bad night. I was thinking of things I shouldn't think of. I even blamed God (again) for what's happening in my life. I know it sounds unfair. I don't seem to learn from my lessons before. But this morning, when I was in the church with my family, I think the Gospel was being directed to me: It's about loving one another as He has loved us and that Jesus has chosen me to bring forth good fruit. Even the Homily talks about sacrificing oneself to others. Then, at that moment, I realized it is not really about me. I was being too selfish. When I looked at my mom who sat beside me, she also looked at me with warmth in her eyes and smile in her face. She didn't say any words or blame me for where I am now. What have I done? Why am I being like this? She sacrificed her whole life just to be a good mother. I love my mom, I don't want to disappoint her.

Oh, dear. Time to make a reflection again.


  1. Hmm, well, I haven't been reading your blog for long enough to know your circumstances - but I can only hope your feelings of failure will pass soon.

  2. We are all not born and meant to have a perfect life.
    the life journey is one that we make mistakes and learn from. the key to all.
    when we are calm and look back at what we have done, theres always something that we could have done better, but time never waits, so it becomes a lesson for us to do better the next time around.

    BUT.....never give up. :-)

  3. We learn from the mistakes and it is learning process. I understand at your situation, it sometimes happen to me. The biggest enemy is ourselves. You have to overcome it by examine and self check. Don't ever blame yourself, cos human are destined to make mistakes. God had the purpose for you and your family. Have faith in Him in whatever you face uncertain things that trouble your mind. You can do it...Judie!

  4. if you never feel failure, you will never feel success. :)

  5. *To Rachel: Thanks. Yes, I hope it will end pretty soon.

    *To Jim: Oh Jim, thanks for reminding me. True, we are not living a perfect life. I just remembered my post regarding how Jesus stayed perfect amidst the imperfection in His surroundings when He was still physically alive in this world. I think I need to pray for more patience. Thank you, my friend.

    *To Jacky: Hey, buddy, thanks for the uplifting words! Yeah, your right. I really need to do self-check. Thanks, Jacky!

    *To Dana: Thanks for following my blog, Dana. And, wow, failure next to success? Hmm, I need to contemplate and indulge my mind on it.

  6. Just want to share you this:

    Failure doesn’t mean you are a failure, it does mean you haven’t succeeded yet.

    Failure doesn’t mean you’ve wasted your life, it does mean you’ve a reason to start afresh.

    Failure doesn’t mean you should give up, it does mean you should try harder.

    Failure doesn’t mean you’ll never make it, it does mean it will take a little longer.



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